To God be the glory. That's all I can say.
My NYC trip has been paid for. On January 24th, 2013 I will be boarding a plane, and flying to NY. For the first time, I will be going to stay in NYC. I do have mixed emotions about it. Why? Because I.feel.guilty. My husband works hard to provide for us, and I am leaving him and our boys alone for the first time ever. I have left Aidan and Brian for a week at a time, but I knew Brian could handle Aidan by himself. Aidan was not a baby or a toddler. He was four and five. This time, Brian and I have a strong marriage and I am not in the mentality of a "vacation" away from it all. I am love my husband with all my heart, and leaving him and being away from our family for three days, four actually, will be hard.
I have received a lot of criticism from people in regards to this trip. We don't have much income, so I got people telling me that I had no business going. I even heard, "You have no business going on this trip, especially by begging people for money to go". Yeah. I did not beg for one penny. I didn't ask for money. I used fundraisers, which meant not getting 100% of the money...but knowing I had to work that much harder to fund it. I was gifted this money. The Lord provided the money through His children. It stinks that people look at things that way. So that's how I raised $1,500. It was a learning experience, and I learned that when God wants you to do something, by golly, He'll provide for it.
I also had a realization last night. Let's start at the beginning. My husband stopped wearing his wedding band years ago. He said it caused his skin to get irritated, and he didn't like the design. It made me always insecure. I remember always feeling like the carpet was going to be pulled out from under me, because I always feared he was wanting out of our marriage. In the past year, we gave our marriage (and our lives) to Christ. Our marriage grew stronger, but it was still wobbly. I knew he "wasn't going anywhere", but I never felt like I truly made him happy. I am a mediocre housewife {what can I say, I am not a neat freak and it sucks cleaning up after everyone 24/7}, and with two kids, and being a student, I am tired. Brian participated in the "Faces of Christ" retreat during the first weekend of October. That was the beginning of a wonderful new beginning for us. Before he left for the retreat, he asked me if I knew where his wedding ring was. I did, and I got it for him. He put that ring on his left hand ring finger, and he left. When he came home, we talked..and we were getting stronger still. He didn't take it off, like I had expected him to. So, last night, we were watching TV together, and I look over at him. His ring is on his finger...and I felt secure. We have been through hell and back. We love each other. He is my husband...and I am the love of his life. I've never had that before. I have a man who adores me, and loves me. and I feel like I am the luckiest woman in the world.
Brian has been offered a job at a plant here, and while it is contingent on a background check/drug-test and physical, I think we may be seeing the door opening. Still keeping my fingers crossed for a new career direction. I want to work in Christian Worship, but I have no.idea where to start. So for right now, I'll continue working with the medical field which is my major right now, and playing with cupcakes and praying.
Love to all,
Amy
